Sleepless night.
4am is probably not the best time to be making life decisions. Or maybe it is exactly the best time.

I stand still, counting and counting. Watching and breathing and weighing. Vowing and sighing and 
Trying and trying and trying and trying
"Why aren't you even trying? It's like you don't even want to change."

I'm afraid I see it in her eyes. Quite as deep as when I see it in mine.

How could I not be happy?