Sleepless night.
4am is probably not the best time to be making life decisions. Or maybe it is exactly the best time.

I stand still, counting and counting. Watching and breathing and weighing. Vowing and sighing and 
Trying and trying and trying and trying
"Why aren't you even trying? It's like you don't even want to change."

I'm afraid I see it in her eyes. Quite as deep as when I see it in mine.

How could I not be happy?

love is an idiot,
far from in and out we fall.
while stars shine we'll fight in
deepest heart to heart to heart again.
to heart again.
to love again.
to love - again.

When I look at you, I see in Colour:

she sees their hearts in Colour
mysterious or bright
a richest Red, unafraid of fire and lit by beauty
or deep Blue- exotic, determined, quiet

of their stories, she spoke aloud
knowing more than she knew
thoughtful reflection of their souls
in a classroom in a corner of a city.

there was a girl, bright shades of Pink
bubbly and full of tales,
another of soft-spoken, girlish independence
Pink too, but of make-up and skirts on sale,

emerald Green, graceful and warm
a heart of open hope and rest,
calm Brown and lively Orange, together at peace
forthcoming and genuine and cheerful,

or White, clean as the unfathomable cheeks of a geisha
a girl well able to rule herself,
and one of proud Purple, strong
earnest, and in life wishing health and wealth,

and there was a heart in capable Yellow, luminesce
and she could choose to choose her place
one more, Crimson fight and chin lifted in spirit,
proven, she knew she could win rat's race,
so around this room, airy with nerves and dreams
with desire and ambition on every face--

she spoke their hearts in colour, reveal
to break their ice and let them gab.
on the doormat, wipe your heel,
and girls, welcome to nab.

kiss my hair. wrap your arms around me. cradle my heart. promise me nothing.